10 October 2009

Just friends

Just friends...

That's all that's left for us...

I understand the thought of wanting freedom...no one getting hurt, no one minding whatever you want to do, whatever you decide on. No extra baggages...you only bring yourself. Because that's my ideal lifestyle.. Maybe the only difference is that I'm willing to bring extra baggages. =)

The attack was very unexpected, very sudden. It's like someone hit my chest with a bow
 from a far away distance. There was shock. And suddenly, the pain was starting to erupt, but I held on my breath. 
Inhale deep & hold! Prevent the pain from spreading. And suddenly all I felt was numb. And I didn't want to move any part of my body. Didn't want to open my eyes. Scared that doing anything might cause me to let go and the pain would spread, and I would feel it. Because I don't want to feel that pain. Not again. Please...

Haven't it sunk in my head yet? Or have I already gotten over it? Because there's no explanation of why I'm feeling this numb right now. All I know is that I'm scared...

I'm scared... Scared to feel pain. Scared of how I would handle this... Scared of what I might do or not do. Scared I might use someone or hurt someone aside from myself. Scared of how I'll go on. Scared of the memories. Scared of the future. Because yes, I do want to live the in past where everything was all luhby-duhby... But it's all in the past, and there's no such thing as living in the past, unless I decide to be insane, which is totally an insane thought.

So should I still BELIEVE THAT WE TRULY ARE ALWAYS AND FOREVER...?

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